Nick Flynn – Another Bullshit Night in Suck City

A few months ago now, I got it into my head that I just HAD to read something by Hubert Selby Jnr.  The prices on Amazon were ridiculous so I went to the most sacred shrine of the tight-arse, Ebay.

I found a book by HSJ for the grand sum of £2.  The seller said it was a used copy and I don’t mind that if you’re only paying two quid.   Whilst looking at the seller’s other items, I saw that she was also selling Another Bullshit Night in Suck City.  This was a book that I had nothing about before but I liked the title and so took a chance.

The books turned up about a day or so after I ordered them and they were in perfect condition.

Anyway, this book is fantastic.  The version that I have is the uncorrected proof but my friend at work has the final version and it is exactly the same..

The book tells the story of a guy who works in homeless shelter and finds his dad there.  I say tells the story, Another Bullshit Night in Suck City is Nick Flynn’s autobiography.  The premise doesn’t sound like much but it really is a fantastic book.

I thought it would be all doom and gloom and although there are bits which are upsetting, Nick Flynn has a way of writing which lets you let out a little laugh now and again.

The book tells of his mother, who came from money, met her husband (his dad) and then had two sons.   His parents broke up and his mum killed herself.  His father, is convinced he is the best thing since sliced bread but has simply fallen on hard times. Nick starts working at a homeless shelter and he encounters his dad here..

I can’t type anything which will do this book justice but you should really read it.  I raved about Last Exit to Brooklyn but this is far better than that.  It doesn’t sound contrite or anything because he’s actually been through all this himself and you can tell this because you actually believe the “story”. He’s also written other books, ones which are winging their way to me as I type.

Things that need to stop/What grinds my gears

As I sit here on this wet Monday morning and start formulating this blog post I realise that I’m actually quite hungry..

Anyway, this post is an amalgamation of things that I have experienced/encountered over the last few weeks and they really need to stop.  Why?  Because I say so and this is my blog.

1. Indian people naming their children with pseudo white names.  I’ve never seen a white person rushing to call their child Sukhjeet.  It was all nice and new back in 2004 when you popped out a sprog decided to name her Sienna/Sia.  It was even nice when you had twins and called one Sienna and the other Sia.  Fast forward to now and I bet there are a million and one Sienna and Sia’s running around playgrounds up and down the land.  How many do I personally know of?  Seven.  The same can be said of the names Aaron and Josh.  I have more leway for those two because I’m sure Josh means something in Hindi.  Not being a Hindi speaker (apart from the obligatory apke, mujke, tujke..which are actual Hindi words for those of you who think I’m taking the piss), I can’t verify what Josh actually means.   I’m not sure about Aaron but I do remember that I went to sixth form with a guy who had an older brother called Aaron.  Just as Sienna/Sia/Aaron/Josh were creative back in 2001, I’m sure you can come up with something just as creative now.  However, there is hope for the lazy individualist.  Call your child Sukhdev/Baldev/Jasdev.  Then he can decide on whether he wants to be called Sukh/Bally/Jas or Dave.  Tada! Perfect multi-cultural name right there..and you know what they say..everyone knows someone called Dave.
2.  Liars.  My dad’s side of the family are compulsive liars.  They’ve been lying since the day I was born and they will still be lying once my body has been stuffed and has pride of place in my parents’ house.  I’ve picked out a spot and everything..forget being buried in the cold ground, I want people to remember me!  Yeah, so liars.  I don’t care if you lie to my face when I ask you something.  That’s fine.  I can’t sit here and say don’t lie to my face when I’ve done it before.  What gets me is when people lie for no reason.  I didn’t ask you about something so why are you lying to me?  The latest in the line of lies which my grandmother spewed is something so petty that I don’t even know why she bothered.  She recently went to India, they go every year and they always bring back suits for the girls in the family.  I’m the oldest girl in the family (just had to drop that in there) and then I have six other girl cousins.  Their ages are (I think) 23, 16, 17, 18, 11, 13.  Two are sisters and the other four are sisters.  Anyway.  Suit material was brought back, I picked out what I liked (the best of a bad bunch)  As I was picking them out, my grandmother told Simon that her sister knitted her some socks.   Nothing more was thought of this until this weekend just gone when my aunt visited my mum and told her that the grandmother had given the socks to my cousins and to her daughter (the grandmother’s daughter..aka my aunt).  So I told my mum what the grandmother had told Simon.  Now I don’t get this.  I didn’t ask about socks.  Simon didn’t ask about socks.  Why did you feel the need to lie and say that the socks were for you?  Do I care that you’ve got socks?  Are we suffering a sock shortfall in the UK where I can’t buy my own socks? jlkasjdfoiasdj a <<how I feel about this situation.  I’ve also finally found a way to annoy my extended family a bit more.  When they ask me questions, I pull a Grandpa Simpson on them in that I start waffling about shit that has nothing to do with the question they asked and they soon get bored.  Another pisstake is this..my mum went to India few a years ago for my cousin’s wedding.  I couldn’t go because of work/uni but I gave her a detailed book of suit material embroidery that I wanted.  My grandmother and my cousins have been burning about this book since then.  They want to know if I have the material, if I’ve made suits out of it etc..but I haven’t told them.  There is so much more I could say about this topic but I won’t.
3. Double standards.  Something else that flows on from point 2.  My aunts want the best for my grandmother.   This is understandable.  What’s not so understandable is the fact they want the best for her without having to do any work themselves.  Fuck that.  She ain’t my mum.  If anyone does something that could have been done better, they’re around whinging about why it wasn’t.  Lift a fucking finger and do it yourself?  Oh no, we can’t do that, we’re too busy at work.  Doing what? Topflight secretaries running round ordering lunches for the big man. My grandmother is equally stupid, she gives them the world yet gives nothing to those that help her which is why my mum is under strict instructions to not help at all.
4. Thinking that you’re older than me and you can threaten me.  Hmm, let’s just say that the person who last tried to do this to me now rings my parents to check if I’m at home or not.  Understand this: You don’t intimidate me the way you did your wife, your sisters and your mother.  Different cloth, cut from.  Thank you very much.
5. Blackberry flashing that stupid orange light when you have low battery.  Which genius came up with this idea?  I can see it all going down at BB HQ, “Hey, Paul..how do we let our users know that their battery is low?” “Er..well, how about this Clive? We flash an orange light from the device?”  “Good thinking there Paul!  I’m sure BB users would trade out the option to actually be able to accept calls in favour of an orange light”.  I’m convinced that the orange light makes your battery run out faster and it’s really annoying to boot.  Man survived knowing his battery was low before we had an orange light, I’m sure man can still survive now..  And they should conserve that power and let us actually accept calls.
6. Blackberry always asking me if I want to set S as a speed dial key when I’m trying to lock my phone.  This irritates me more than it should.  9 times out of 10 when I go to lock my phone, I get asked this.  NO!! I don’t want to set anything as speed dial, I just want to lock my phone without having my blood pressure reach boiling point because you fail to recognise the button I am pushing!  Now you might say..”You’re obviously pushing the S button for them to ask you”.  To you I say this, “Shut up”.  I’m pushing the damned lock button but for some reason, because the buttons are too close together, it thinks I want to set S as a speed dial.  I only have this issue when I press the lock button from the right hand side but even still, it shouldn’t happen!
7. People thinking that expensive is always better.  It’s not.  A lot of the time, it is.  However, this doesn’t mean that it is all of the time.  A case in point is makeup..  My aunt refuses to buy things that aren’t high end.  She wastes so much money because she doesn’t listen.  In my makeup bag, I have a mixture of products..both high end and High Street.  Why?  Because not all high end stuff is good.  She refuses to believe that High Street stuff works as well as high end which is why she walks around with an orange face because she is wearing the wrong MAC foundation.

Hmm..only three?  I swear I had more!  It may seem that I dislike my father’s side of the family, well I do.  I’m fine with that.  I have the people I call family and they have my back just as I have theirs so I don’t really need the other side.  I’ve done fine the way I am until now and I’ll carry on doing fine.

Annoying guests

How to get rid of them?

My parents have one set of annoying guests who pay them a visit every two weeks.

It’s my dad’s brother and his soppy bollocked son.

DB got a divorce as he was violent towards his wife.  I don’t advocate violence to men or women at all..despite me saying I’d like to kick Simon, I’d never beat him within an inch of his life.  If you have the “balls” to beat a woman up, have the balls to man up and take it when she leaves you.

This happened about four years ago. DB gets his second son every two weeks and decides to pay my parents a visit.  By the way, what does DB do with his son all day? Sit in my grandmothers house watching TV, using the computer and the laptop watching whatever shit sports is on.  And I mean shit sports, he watches ANYTHING.  Him and his son don’t talk to each other, the son just comes to get free shit from DB and DB gives him it.

Anyway, every two weeks at about 7, they go to see my parents because they will get fed for free.  I didn’t mind before because DB used to take my youngest brother out if DB and his son were going out.  That stopped abruptly but what didn’t stop was DB dragging his fat arse to my parents house for free food.  Now DB talks.  That’s fine.  DB’s son DOES NOT SAY A WORD.

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO COME TO MY HOUSE, EAT AS IF YOU’RE AT HOME AND NOT SAY A MOTHERFUCKING WORD?! Can you tell how angry this makes me?

It is so OBVIOUS to them that they are not wanted in the house yet they don’t seem to get it.  They think they can come over and call the shots, they can decide what to watch, when  we eat etc..  They even have the cheek to ASK for the remote.  YOU DON’T DO THAT IN MY HOUSE.  Whoever has it, has it.  We operate a strict, you snooze, you lose policy.  And then if I’m there and they want to watch something else, DB fucking asks ME to ask my dad.  You want change, YOU FIGHT FOR IT.  Dickhead.  You’re not scared when  you’re battering seven shades of shit out of a defenceless woman but when it comes to asking a man to change the channel, you wimp out.

I remember a few weeks ago, my parents got a new boiler put in and they were just getting the good at half seven.  DB was getting really aggy asking when the food would arrive.  I told him to his face that we didn’t run to anyone else’s time in our house and if he didn’t like it, he could piss off and feed his own son.  The only reason he wants the food quickly by the way is because he only gets soppy bollocks until 8 and then he goes back to his mum.

That by the way, is something else I don’t get.  DB has enough money to have a big fuck off house in Redhill, he has two flats in Mayfair, drives three cars but can’t feed ONE chid? Seriously?! You’re doing something wrong.

What winds me up the most if that the SON DOES NOT TALK.

FINE. IF  YOU’RE NOT GOING TO TALK, WHY ARE YOU FUCKING COMING TO MY HOUSE? PISS OFF WITH YOUR SILENT BEHIND IN TOW.

DON’T COME TO MY HOUSE, SAY NOTHING, EXPECT TO EAT LIKE A KING AND THEN FUCK OFF.

How can a human being not realise they’re not wanted somewhere? We have dropped enough hints.

And what really gets my goat is when we are off with DB, he asks us what the problem is? As if we have to be court jesters for him all the damn time.  I ignored him and his dopey arse son once and he came out with “you’re rudeness personified” and I won’t type out here what I said back but if I said that to any normal person, they’d have the sense to know that they’re not wanted but not this dumb fucker.

Every two weeks, without fail, they go to my parents house for a free feed.

FEED YOUR OWN CHILD! IF YOU CAN’T FEED HIM, WHY ARE  YOU FIGHTING FOR CUSTODY SO HARD? YOU DO NOTHIING WITH HIM ALL DAY AS IT IS!!

It’s just the sentimental things in life..

Nice reference to So Solid there..

That’s something I never thought I’d be doing, looking to those mavericks of the garage scene for some literary inspiration.

Anywho, time has passed yet again..as it has a habit of doing.  Been off for the whole week doing nothing much really.  Went to see my mate who lives near Al Fayed’s corner shop and had to try my HARDEST to not buy another Mulberry bag from their shop.  It was HARD WORK.  I window shopped for ages, went inside, had a good look, tried some bags out but had to leave empty handed.

Anyway, I saw these photographs on someone’s Tumblr and one made me go “awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww” and the other made me laugh because it is what I would do, what with me being the grammar and spelling nazi that I am.

This one made me go “awwww” because the dad in the photo is so cute and I lvoe the way son is holding his dad’s hand and how the house hasn’t really changed at all.  I also didn’t expect the house to still be as it was..

This one is just lol worthy.

 

*nothing*

I have a need to get this out and I couldn’t say it to Simon because I kept tearing up so here we go.

I always say that I could easily live without Simon if he chose to leave me.

Never did I think that he’d leave me without it being his choice..

He jetted off to Japan two weeks ago and was due to come back this Saturday just gone.  I woke up on Friday to the news of the terrible devastation in Japan.  Then it hit me..Simon was still there..

I don’t think I’ve ever felt that vulnerable in my life before.  I’m quite a strong minded and willed person and it takes a LOT to knock the wind out of my sails but anything to do with my loved ones is bound to do it.  He phoned us to tell us that he was safe and because I was crying so much like the twat I am, my dad had to speak to him.  I could literally do nothing until I knew he was safe and that he’d be coming back..

He got a flight on Saturday..which was delayed by 3 hours but I finally saw his face at about half seven.  I have never ever been so relieved to see someone’s face..EVER. Nothing fazes that boy and when I asked him why the flight was late, he even smiled and said that he had a Punjabi pilot.

Anyway, he’s had had some bad headaches since he got back but the doctor said that is normal so I’ve been rushing around getting his meds and what have you and I keep doing that annoying staring thing..you know, when you stare at someone and just think how crap it would be if they weren’t there?  I know it’s started to grate on him but I don’t care.

As I said on Twittah the other day, never again will the words “I could quite easily live without Simon” pass these lips.

I’ve also learnt to be grateful for what I have..my problems are so bloody minor in the grand scheme of things, frizzy hair is nothing compared to having your whole house washed away, bad skin is nothing compared to losing your whole family.

Blog by pictures

Things I’m not loving this week..

• Having to stay at work until 10pm because someone fucked something up.  They could have easily asked me when they were doing it and I would have told them.  Eeedyats.
• My hair not behaving.

Things I’m loving this week..

This can be summed up in pictures so here we go..

Simon practically wet himself about this channel whereas I was more of a cool customer.  I didn’t know why he was getting so worked up about it.  The second pic will tell you why..

THE SOPRANOS! I have wanted to watch this show from the start for ages and when I saw it was on Sky Atlantic, I series linked that mother quicker than a quick thing.

I had two episodes recorded and as I came home early from work today, I watched them both.  I have never seen this programme before but I already love it.  I love the fact they intersperse their conversation with Italian (as I do that with Punjabi), I love the way they openly use the word whack (something which I thought they wouldn’t really say), I love how the right hand man is called Pussy, I love how someone in the mob owns a strip club and you see a lot of boobers on the show.  I love the fact that you see the gruesome-ness, I have only seen two episodes but I have seen a man’s head kicked in and a man get his brains blasted over a butcher’s table.  Most of all, I love how easy it is to access.  I found The Godfather hard work the first time I watched it but I just slipped into this and it made very easy viewing.  The people who wrote it, directed it, produced it and acted in it have done very well.  And it doesn’t seem fake, it’s all very real.  I love the way they’ve got the balance between him being a family man and a mobster down properly.  Another thing that I liked was the fact that he stayed true to his roots, unlike in Scarface, where TM started being big balls, which was eventually his downfall.  Tony Soprano might have a fancy house but he still hangs around where he came from and I think what I’m trying to say is that he keeps his mobster stuff on the downlow very well.

I’ve also been reading this..VERY VERY FUNNY.  And it was a steal, £3 from HMV!  I hasten to add that I haven’t even made a start on my other two books that I was itching to start reading.  Might do that now actually.

I am also slowly getting obssessed with these..

This is all.

I want to know you..in the biblical sense.

Well tomorrow is the big day.  The big bedroom movearound of ’11.

I’ve allowed Simon to go out tonight (ha!) as I know I will wind him up no end tomorrow.  He has known me for 10 years (I typed 100 before, I bet it feels that long for him) and he has always helped me move my room around and we have always had an argument.

Hence why I’ve let him go out, he will be happy and I can use it in my arsenal when a fight breaks out tomorrow.

In other news, Paypal is finally sorted and I paid for my books which turned up today (big up to the seller dem who was more than understanding).  My only problem is this, I am lusting after reading them but I know that if I start now, I won’t be able to put my face mask on and I will want to finish the book before we move things around tomorrow.  Waiting to read them is killing me because they are good, I’ve read a page from both and they seem fantastic!  The books are Another Night in Bullshit City and Last Exit to Brooklyn, so roll on tomorrow evening!

I plan on reading these on the way to work so will have to make sure I don’t finish them before the weekend is up.

I am also currently wearing The Body Shop’s Tea Tree mask, one of the best masks ever made.  It clears my skin like no other!

Re. the title, me and Simon were out at lunch today and a girl came up to him and said that.  I nigh on wet myself and Simon had to let her down, shame!

A general mishmash..

Many things have to be said today and many things have been done this week.

I also started using the infamous BioEffect serum, it made my face feel like raw cake mix, proper sticky to the touch.  I have stopped using it on my face, it is just being used on my forehead as I’m sure the lines I have there are being plumped out..

I am currently craving a Cadburys hot chocolate pudding and whilst the food is cooking I have told Simon to pick some up on his way home from work.  Today was my last day at work for this week so I am doing nothing tomorrow.  I say nothing but I have to clear some clothes out and then also get my eyebrows done.

I am very cold but dressed very stylishly in red polka dot pjs, a black t shirt from Primark and my brother’s old Screwfix fleece (warmest fleece EVER).  The heater is at the perfect temp where you can you put your hands on it and not burn yourself..I liken the warmth of it to the warmth of a brilliant MILKY hot chocolate.  Talking of which, Costa make their hot chocolate with water..that should be against the law.  My favourite shop hot chocolate is the one from Pret.  I love the people who work in the Moorgate Pret, the one by Simmons and Simmons, they’re so NICE.  I remember once when it was Spanish day or something, the guy in there was really nice.  I appreciate good service so I wrote a letter to the store manager about him and they made him deputy manager.

I think that’s it for now, I just need to remember to sort the bedroom out and actually move it because I’m not sleeping properly and I know why it is.

The bedroom

No, nothing about fucking and sucking.

I want to change our bedroom around.  Simon isn’t impressed because he knows he will have to do all the manwork whilst I stand with my hands on my hips giving him the “hurry up and move it” look.

I have been loving this blog over the past week or so and I’m amazed at how popular the chimney breast still is in this day and age..I thought they’d have all been removed.  We have a chimney breast (yay!) and I love it.

Anyway, how will the bedroom change? I am sure that I can get rid of atleast one chest of drawers and my plan on my days off this week is to do just that…clear the clutter out.  I really want a calm, minimalistic-ish bedroom.  I know I won’t get full minimalist because I’m not tidy and we have too much stuff.

Anyway, two of the walls are purple in this room and I (I!! NOT SIMON) intend on painting them all that standard shade of creamy white matte that everyone has and makes even the biggest shithole look expensive (our flat is not a shithole, it cost us nigh on an arm and a leg).  Anyway, that will be easiest because we have the paint from the other walls and everything matches then.  The chimney breast wall is currently purple but as things are moving..I am going to paper it up, just need to find a decent paper first..I’m tempted to get it all in samples really because it’s not even that long and one roll would be too expensive..depends which paper I like..that’s something else I have to look for.

 

And I’ve just seen a room with a naked brick wall, I quite like that..I wonder if we can do it..

In other news, I won the Hubert Selby Jnr auction on Ebay so the book should be winging its way to me very soon, yay!

WordPress compared to Blogger and Hubert Selby Jnr

Firstly, I’m going to start posting more on here..I just feel the need to get more unabridged ramblings out.

 

Why is WordPress so difficult to navigate compared to Blogger? I was on Blogger with this blog before but then I moved here because I wanted to keep both of my blogs separate.   WordPress longs my life at times so I might move back to Blogger but with a different account.  A case in point being that it took me 10 minutes to find the post a new post button, Blogger is far better for thickos like me.

 

Secondly, I’m getting back into reading..I did say this towards the end of last year but that lasted all of one book.   I wish I had time to constantly buy books like I used to.  Back in the day, I’d go to the library, get some books, read them and then get new ones as soon as I found one in my stash I didn’t like.  Then I did my LPC and could do the same but actually afford to buy my books as my firm paid for my training.  Now I get books from the library and it is often months before I get a chance to go back and change them around.

 

Well, that’s about to stop because I’ve been researching books I’d like by using tastekid which is a fantastic site that tells you which book you’d like going on the ones you’ve already read (you of course, have to tell it one you’ve read).  I put in Trainspotting and it came back with so many more..

 

One of them was Last Exit to Brooklyn which is written by Hubert (every time I write Hubert, my fingers type out Hubery) Selby Jnr..who also happens to write another book that I really want to read (Requiem for a Dream).  So, I’m going to order them both from Amazon and hopefully I will like them.  The descriptions say that these books are really well written accounts of some pretty nasty stuff and you know me, I love all that kinda crap.

 

I like to know more about my authors so I did the human think and Wiki’d him on up..turns out he was quite normal until he went to join the navy or army..then he had an accident and the docs had to remove some of his ribs to get to his lungs, one lung collapsed and that lead to him being on drugs..drugs which he got hooked on.  Anyway, he left there and couldn’t find a job as he had no experience and so he started to write..I wonder how he pulled so much information from a life that he didn’t know? Unless he got to know it whilst he was on the junk.

 

Finally, everyone at work seems to be going mad for the Kindle.  My boss bought me a Kindle for Christmas (I only got it today) and I gave him a look.  He knows why he got that look, I’ve told him time and time again that I feel dirty reading a book that isn’t housed as a book and is electronically manipulated.  Reading books is meant to be an old school hobby, nothing something that technology should be interfering with..  You know when you find an old musty book and take a smell? You can’t do that with the Kindle! I don’t want to miss out on smelling books..both old and new.  Plus, my eyes hurt from looking at screens too much and it’s far easier to escape into your mind when you’re reading a book..and someone won’t try and nick it from you if you fall asleep on the Tube.

 

Simon, however, has properly grasped the Kindle, he loves my one and he is welcome to it..I can’t be doing with cheating on good old fashioned paper but he can!

 

Anyway, I can’t wait for the books to arrive..